Cake, Razors and Sex
by ValentineBaby95
Summary: Title kind of gives it away, but the story is basically what i give the world when I'm sick and in an amazingly wonderfully good bad mood. You know you wanna read it. Though it may kill brain cells.


You know what...I'm sick, so all you people out there, who are like "what the fuck you bitch, update your fucking stories NOW!" Do you want them to suck that bad that you have to hurt my itty bitty feelings? Okay, so I'm very emotional but does it matter, I love you, so just...just be quiet and lets share the love. SHARE THE LOVE! Yeah, I'm so out of it! Um, this is kind of a semi-crack fic, I guess I dunno. I don't even know where this idea CAME FROM

Pairing:Finn/Puck(you know me too well if you guessed that one)Finn/Cake(we all knew it'd show up again)Finn/Razors(don't even ask)Puck/Drunk!Finn(THERE'S A DIFFERENCE)

Warning: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH!

Disclaimer: HAHA do you actually think I'm in any position to own Glee? YOU might want to see a doctor if you do!

Finn had this thing for cake and when he was drunk he was, heh, wow, he was amazing. He was like something you'd never ever see before.

And Puck?

Well, Puck, now he was a different story but he definitely loved Finn drunk too. Except he kind of developed this thing where he started glaring at cakes.

….

Now don't look at me like that, let me at least explain...it all started at a birthday party for a football player. Not so much as a birthday party, more of a regular party. Alcohol, drugs in some rooms and dancing with sex. By the time sex on the floor actually starts, we're all too drunk to care anyway. All of the footballers and cheerleaders were invited, others just showed up.

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Usually Puck went and found a chick to dance with but he just didn't want to. So, he followed Finn around all night. Finn didn't seem to mind that much or at all really. Still the first thing Finn did when he got to that party was grab a slice of the chocolate cake and a beer, well, you need something to wash it down with.

Finn ate three slices of that cake and had two beers. That's when it all went crazy, Puck had one beer because he knew one of them had to be able to drive or...they were screwed. So he kept handing beers to Finn, every time the guy asked. Puck on his second, Finn on his third and Finn was climbing on top of unsuspecting Puck.

"Finn what are you doing?"

"Puck, man, I lurv you. D'you know that? I lurv yer face, 'n' yer b'dy." Puck had smiled at his friend but didn't move.

"Finn, you're drunk?" Finn giggled and shook his head.

"No, no, 'M not really." Puck laughed.

"Yeah, you...uh..what're you doing." Puck's pretty sure Finn was giving him a lap dance, he could be wrong, but he's pretty sure that's what's going on.

"I wan' you." Finn said, now grinding his ass against Puck's dick.

"You what?"

"I wan' you Puck, dun tease me." Puck stared at his friend. Finn...wanted...him...What? "I wanna sleep wid you." Ho-ly...shit.

"Finn, you're dr- umph." Finn's lips hit Puck's, it was a really good drunk kiss. Puck's never had such a great drunken kiss with anyone before. He pulled away. "You. Are. Drunk."

"So? You th'nk I wouldn't wan this s'ber." Finn attacked Puck's lips again, then moved down to his neck before downing the rest of his beer and grinding himself on Puck. "I wan' you." okay, Puck could totally enjoy this.

"Upstairs?" There were rooms up stairs, so that's where Finn can have Puck. They were heading there when...

"Does anyone want more cake?" Goodbye Finn, hello Puck hating cake. Really? Of ALL TIMES! You couldn't have waited until they were upstairs? Aw fuck you! Finn returned with chocolate covered lips and a plate of chocolate cake and a beer. Why the hell would anyone give this boy more alcohol? Are they CRAZY?

"Me." He pointed to Puck. "You." He pointed to himself. "And c'ke...crazy hot sex?" Crazy...hot...sex? Puck could live with that.

Finn was like a wild sex machine, but from what Santana's said he usually isn't, it's totally the alcohol. Plus, Finn REALLY had a thing for cake and 'frosting' as far as he knew, though he did complain about how it's not as sweet as regular frosting. But...whatever! Finn so loves Puck's frosting and Puck will continue to bring this up.

Finn also really had this thing for dirty talking and cake. Whatever he had a thing for there was always cake involved. The cake was more important, that when Puck accidentally let some hit his dick and the floor, Finn wrapped his mouth a round his dick after crying for a second. He made sure all the chocolate was gone. But he CRIED!

Then halfway through he moaned cake. CAKE! So yeah, Puck was a little upset but then Finn was screaming his name which made up for it. Of course, when they finished, Finn cried...again. Because the cake was on...the floor. But when he shoved Puck out of the bed he didn't cry, he snuggled with the plate full of cake.

"C'mon we have to go." Puck laughed out.

"Aw, I wanna st'y widda cake."

"Um, you can bring the cake home?" Puck was confused, what did the cake have that he didn't...was it the chocolate?

"Okay!" Finn pulled out of the bed and Puck noticed the markings on his stomach. Wow, that was some crazy sex if he didn't notice those before.

"Finn?" He said "What are those?"

"The r'zors did it."

"The razors?" They were so going to talk about this later.

"Uh-huh, I like the razors...th'y shine n take 'way the pain." What? They were so talking about this in the morning and Puck made a promise to himself, that he'd help Finn and make Finn realize he was perfect, not imperfect like his stomach read.

"The razors are bad."

"Nope!" He popped the p and followed Puck out the door, both boys fully dressed, one fawning over his cake.

Come morning Finn had a killer headache and was covered in cake. Well he had some in his pants on his chest, lips and face. With no memory on how they go there but one Noah Puckerman laying on his floor.

"P'ck." He muttered, clearing his voice. "Puck?"

"hmm?" Puck muttered.

"PUCK!" Puck shot up.

"What!"

"What happened...after we got here."

"Oh, you threw up on the side of the road then fell asleep in your cake and shoved me off the bed saying 'cake needs more room'." Finn blushed.

"Er, sorry."

"It's cool, um, can we talk?"

"About last night?"

"Well, yeah, you have this thing on your stomach." Finn bit his lip.

"you saw that?"

"finn, you do know we had sex right?"

"Yeah..."

"Sex requires naked people...hold on, see what happens is a guy take his dick and..."

"i know what sex is Puck!"

"Oh thank god. That would've been awkward." Puck sighed. "The point is, what the fuck, Finn?"

"What?"

"you can't just, go all emo on me, man. How is that even an option, you have a great life."

"Um...not really, Puck. The two girls I dated cheated on me and everyone expects so much on me. Plus, it kind of helped when me and Rachel broke up...so I hoped."

"Finn, that only works cause you let it. Look it's like when you're hurt somewhere and you want that pain to end so you create a pain somewhere else, by digging your nails into your skin or biting your tongue, you have to stop." Finn looked down and bit his lip.

"i know..."

"I'm going to help you, I promise." Finn nodded.

"Can we go get some cake...all I can taste is cake and I really love cake, and if we're going to get rid of my razors...I'm going to need some cake."

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Puck really hated when Finn obsessed over the cakes so in return he'd buy him alcohol. I was the best thing, until Finn decided he liked cake during sex sober too. Then Puck thought it was better.

So is that why they were fighting over cake today in Glee?

Yes Mr. Schue, Puck's trying to cut him off of cake...it's kind of bad...how much did you hear?

AHHHHA! I'm so out of it, can't you tell. And my mom's mad at me for not sleeping since I'm sick and it's one in the morning. I felt the story was more important than my health...now that's it's over. I feel like an idiot. A stupid, moronic, idiot. Do you agree? If this story doesn't say enough...aye...I don't even know. If you'd like to see anything else just um...let me know...if you'd like to be antonymous, stay anon, if you'd like ME to know who you are and no one else PM me, if you want people to know who you are cool review.

If you want to beat me with a stick when I'm better, review!


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